.....actually I am thankful today for the unending rain we've had(written 4/21/13). I so needed a day of hiding! Life is going at a breakneck speed and I need sometime to process things and refocus!
All this week my quiet time reading has been again in the age old story of Abraham and Sarah(Genesis 16-21). Plus we have started a Bible Study at church on Captivating which has caused me to look at life a little differently. Interestingly I had purposely not read that book because I thought it is fluff...too touchy-feely...and that definitely is not me! ;)
In Genesis Sarah so desperately wanted her own child that she offered her servant as a surrogate.......upon her plan working she became overwhelmed with jealousy. Her lack of trust caused her to take matters into her own hands. Results of our efforts never work the way we imagine! Trying to control things that were not ours to control!
This time reading one event stopped me cold(Gen 18:10-15). Sarah overheard God stating that in a year she would produce a son. Now being in her 90's she laughed to herself...wouldn't we all?!? What happened next was she had her own face-to-face exchange with the Lord. As I was reading it the most vivid picture played out in my mind. He was looking straight into her eyes as she denied that she laughed. The most penetrating, soul-searching, heart-searing, stare she had ever encountered! His calm, clear voice "Nay, but thou didst laugh."
Have you ever been on Sarah's end of a stare like that? One friend can wade through the false exterior I put up and can really see my heart. He sees me and knows me better sometimes than I do! It is the most unsettling thing I've ever experienced. While I realize that he is only trying to get me to 'be real', it is the most unsettling feeling ever. Much like Adam in Genesis 3:10 when he discovered he was naked/vulnerable. Interestingly when Satan entices them to eat of Tree of Knowledge that is when fear enters into the newly created world.
Why the fear? I'm not really sure of the answer to that! For some reason unbeknown to me, I had developed a "trust no one but yourself" attitude. Now that is a TRULY a scary place! Various life events have proven to me that only God knows what is truly best for me....and definitely I do not!
Trust....the heart of the matter! Sarah should have trusted God. She had a husband who was God's guy and should have trusted him. God was faithful to keep His word(Gen 21:1) even when she laughed and lied to His face! How many people do you know would love you if you did that to them? Only He that first loved us. He knows us and loves us anyway!!!
By the way Captivating is a very interesting book and makes you think deeper about life. Don't trust my opinion, read it for yourself!