Blessed Assurance

This morning I woke up with the tune of Blessed Assurance running through my head.  Now for those of you who don't know me well....I am NOT musically inclined in any way!!!  I might hear a well loved tune and be able to name it but I would be lucky to tell you the words to any part of a verse.   So  I googled that song.  The words are really interesting given all that is happening in my life right now!




Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His spirit, washed in His blood.


This is my story, this is my song.
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long.


Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.




After looking at the words I know why it is playing!  God has me in a very unusual place today.  2.5 weeks ago I was told I had cancer.  This had not been a disease that runs in either side of my families.  A little over 2 months ago I was told one of my paternal aunts has cancer....ironically it was the same day that my doctor discovered an oddity at a regular visit!  A week ago I was told that the prognosis is they caught it EXTREMELY early...surgery preliminary test reveal that it is a Stage 2 at the most and lymph nodes appear normal.  In fact they are shocked at how early it was detected because generally this cancer is not detected until it's reached a Stage 4.




Looking back over some of my old blogs I can see why He was showing me so much about the Old Testament believers!  I was about to embark into some trials that I needed much preparation for!!!!!!!   During my mother's heart issues and recovery He taught me volumes.  It is because of the past two years that I now face my own upcoming surgery with Blessed Assurance running through my mind....and being belted out around the house!  I should apologize to my neighbors for the noise infractions!  Luckily they are all my family!!!

"Heavenly Storehouses Laden With Snow"

Anyone who knows me knows that I love SNOW!!!!!   As I sit here on my 8th SNOW day and looking out on 15"+ in my yard, I find Chris Tomlin's lyrics of "Indescribable" tumbling around my head.  But today it is more than just the line about heavenly storehouses of snow(which I can't wait to see)!

All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Yesterday was a destination on a very long, uncertain journey!   It was the last appointment with my mom's cardiac/thoracic surgeon.  As mom walked in on her own, this wonderful man was so happy that he was almost giddy.  In fact my first reaction was  "oh my, he has TOO MUCH espresso in that coffee".  To understand how incredibly funny his response was to seeing mom you would have had to been there for their first meeting! 


On October 26, 2013 my mother had a slight-moderate heart attack which was not detected right away but another great doctor kept her in the hospital until he figured out what exactly was going on.  They actually thought it might be gallbladder attack. When they did determine it was a heart issue they sent her to a bigger hospital where a stent could be placed in one of her veins.  Two-three days they were going to dismiss her but for one reason or another they did not.  Seven days later she was being dismissed.  As she was getting ready in her hospital room for my dad to pick her up, she went into cardiac arrest. Totally unforeseen by all the tests she had!  Minutes later I received a phone call from the hospital chaplain stating she "coded and they are working on her.  Get here now!".


November 1, 2013 she was rushed into an emergency open heart surgery.  No matter how well they communicated the situation at hand, it is extremely unnerving to have a respected surgeon and two other well respected cardiac doctors "report" to the family as they themselves seem to be in shock.  Her heart had torn.  Not just one but two tears!!!   With this complication it is a matter of seconds before the heart "bleeds out"! 


Other unique items to Mom's situation they were shocked about:

• her heart clotted itself...even though she was on lots of blood thinner!  This is what saved her and allowed them time to patch the tears.
• her heart was healthy enough for "good solid" patch to cover the tears
• when she was brought back to life she could answer questions.....not only that but 'chatted' with her cardiac doctor all the way to the surgery suite.
• brain, heart, and kidneys continued to function despite the trauma
• she was responding to questions as took her off they bypass machine and bringing her out of surgery
• that she survived!!!!

Nothing and no one but God saved my mother!!!!!  During the remaining 2 weeks of recovery in ICU all medical staff could not 'explain away' the miracles that we all saw continuously.  The whole  hospital(and it is a huge one!) referred to her as "the miracle lady".  Many of them would pop in to see her.  I will post of those later because it would take hours to recount!!!!!!!!




This journey to recovery has not been easy but it is still amazing!  Yesterday her surgeon explained how awe inducing her survival is.  "Heart tears occur usually 3-5 days after a heart attack.  They are very rare but typically there is only one tear...not two.  Only 1-2% of entire population who experience heart attack have a tear.....and actually that is on the high end of the stats. Heart tears are very rare.  95% of people who have a tear, do not survive...including those that are in a hospital(90% do not even make it to the surgery and only half that do get to surgery survive).  If you had been dismissed and downstairs on your way out, you would not have survived!  It is so rare that I maybe see one heart tear a year.  Most of them do not survive.  That is how serious your situation was......and how amazing sitting with you now is!" 




Now, I have been there to witness all of it AND even I still have to take a minute to reread and let his comments sink in!!!!  Why do we take God's power and grace for granted?  Even when it hits us in the face?   All I do know is.....




.....All powerful, untameable, awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God......    I hope the truth of Chris Tomlin's verse never leaves my heart and mind!

Grass is always greener......

Anyone have the 'grass is always greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome?   Have you ever thought "I wish I had that house", "I wish I had that yard", "I wish I had that dress", "I wish I could lose weight", etc.   I always viewed it as something innocent and not that big of a deal.

I find my list always revolving around   "I wish I could go to FL to hang with my sister", "I wish I was retired so I could do what I want", "I wish I was married and had my own kids", and "I wish I could get all my projects done".  Overall I love my life and am blessed BEYOND what I deserve!  I find that when I am tired and overwhelmed that I begin to focus on an escape to my present circumstances.  Which in reality is kind of idiotic because "wishing" does not alleviate the exhaustion, rather it only makes me more agitated!

Ok, so I do have some of the common wish that I could lose weight and look better in my clothes.  I recently saw a picture of myself at a family wedding reception dancing the HokeyPokey with my little cousins.  All I can say is that Steel Magnolia's quote "Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket" instantly came to mind!!!!  But I digress!   

What seems innocent enough is a BIG issue to God.  In my quiet time He has brought it to my attention that the "grass is greener"  purely boils down to covetousness.   OOUUCCHH!!!  So I knew that I needed to learn more about what He says about coveting because it must be a big deal to God.

God listed it in His 10 Commandments so that alone tells us it is an important issue.  Too often we look at that list as a "control issue" over us but it is not.  That list of items is about protecting us from some really bad stuff!   That commandment clearly states that we are not to covet anything of someone else's.  Notes in my Bible define 'covet' as desiring with an evil motivation.  Upon reading that I thought nothing about my wishes are evil...then I realized that my desires are about my control, to live comfortably,  and to say that His plan for my life just does not measure up to mine!  OK, anything that would separate me from God would be evil and that is truly what my desires would do!   Ephesians 5:5 equates it with greed and idolatry.  Ps 10:3 informs us that the Lord abhors covetous people.  "Abhor" is a very strong word!  It is defined in the dictionary as "regard with disgust and hatred".  Again OOUUCCHH!

Another thing that I noticed in my study made me pause.  While coveting is not a good practice for anyone, God was most of the time speaking of the importance for His people avoiding it.  Several passages refer to those who are saved and sanctified by Jesus but who choose to follow their covetous heart.  He states that you are not to keep company with that person. 

Why is it a big issue?  
a)  it is a choice that seperates us from God
       2 Timothy 3:2  "lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God" have a form of godliness but deny
       the power thereof,  2 Peter 2:14 habitual choices to put themselves into coveting and/or not 
       taking it serious enough to damage it causes.  It may not seem like such a big deal but that choice
       is just the beginning step that leads down a slippery slope towards all sorts of other BIG issues. 
      Too often in my life I have realized that the little "insignificant" choices are truly the critical
      ones....like "oh, I will skip exercising just for today".  Ha, we all know where that has led!

b) it causes damage to others
      1 Corinthians 5:10 provide a false testimony of Christ to unbelievers.  If we are fretting or
      displeased about our lot in life then what would draw others to Him?  Our biggest purpose is
      same as the disciples in Matthew 28:19-20...teaching others about Him.  If we are too focused on
      ourselves than we aren't able to do our job.

c)  life is not for our fleshly desires
        Luke 12:15  man's life does not consist of  'possessions' because all of it can be gone in an 
        instant!!!   This has all been brought home as I sit here with my mom in ICU...a rare
        complication to her heart stint which led to an open heart surgery to repair 2 holes in her heart
        of which only 0.5 of 10 people survive!  Boy, could I care less about all those previous "I
        wish_________" now! 

.

How fix:
     I know that the only thing that helps me is God's Word and a Bible teaching church.  Immersing
     myself in God's Word steadies my mind and heart no matter what is happening around me. 
    Colossians 3: 5, 10   When you are going through a life crisis it is crucial to be part of a strong
    body of believers who offer you support before, during, and after it.  One of the ways they support
    you is through prayer which will carry you through.  The beauty of being a believer is that there is
    also a bigger network of prayer warriors out there than you can imagine!  I have heard from so
    many people/friends who attend other churches about how they are praying fervently for my
    mother!   Anyone heard the new song "Just Say Jesus" by 7eventh Time Down?  Wow, does that
    song sum up my praying through this journey!

    But as I said before it is all about choice.  Josh 24:15   From the beginning He has always given us
    our own way!  He wants us to love and trust him wholeheartedly!  Isn't that what we all want?  

Tug of War

So it is officially final.....I will be going back into school today to work on my room.  I had hoped to be in there by 9 but I am dragging my feet.  I am starting to feel that knot of "needing" to be in 2 places at once!  I am finding lots of little things that need attention here while feeling that I need to bite the bullet and leave for my classroom.  I hate that "tug of war" feeling!

Funny how my quiet time in Matthew 16 was about the same topic!  Peter is one that I can't wait to meet in heaven because  I so can relate to him!  His life is an example of the dichotomy of being a Christian.  Once you have accepted Christ as your Savior you have the Holy Spirit inside.  However, the new you is still surrounded by the flesh...the habits/personality/choices of the person you were prior.  Talk about a Tug of War!!!!!

New Testament has several examples of Peter's tug of war between his spiritual and his flesh.  Matthew 16:16 demonstrates Peter having divine knowledge of who Jesus truly was.  But yet in a short time(vs 21-23) Jesus refers to him as Satan when Peter was acting out of his flesh.  Peter was trying to correct Jesus about His near future death.  I love how the authors gave us these examples to learn from.  How many times have we thought we were a little more than we are and would be able to control an outcome of events? 

Luke 22:31-34 is another similar encounter but combined with Matthew 16:17-19 are a soothing balm to my stressed soul today!!!   Jesus knew Peter and that he would definitely screw up AND still prays for him.  Not only that He wants Peter to use it to "strengthen the brethren"!  Jesus also foretells of Peter's important role in Jesus' ministry spreading.  I may never be as important as Peter but I still have a role to play despite how many times I screw up.  Plus I need to be vulnerable to use my hurts/mistakes to help others through life.

I also know that it's up to me to feed the spirit more so it will win MOST of the battles over my flesh!  Today was one of those battles and I am really glad I sat down with my Bible before heading to school!  I truly needed the lesson on Peter today!  So it's 11:20 now and finally time to get up and get to school.  At least the knot in my stomach is gone! 

"Thank you" can never be enough!!!

This morning I was told my last remaining grandfather died.  It instantly brings to mind an old song "Thank You" by Ray Boltz.  While I do not agree with Mr. Boltz's current lifestyle/views, his song still is the perfect tribute to a life well-lived for the Lord!  "Thank You" talks of a person's entry into Heaven.   I know my grandfather's story so I know he is there as I type this.  Born to a farmer turned Baptist preacher but in his later teens it was his best friend's father who led him to the saving grace of Jesus.

Even knowing where Grandpa is,  it still is hard!  I have been blessed beyond measure by having that man in my life!  Growing up all I ever wanted was to be on the farm.  Stories of how it had been passed through the generations and even at a very young age I intended to manage it when I grew up.  Anywhere Grandpa was you could usually find me...in fact when out at the local feed mill he would proudly introduce me as his 'hired hand'.  When I was 7 we moved an hour away for my Dad's new principal/teaching job.  Our family made great friends and a great life there.  However to me it was not the same as the farm!  It never was home!   I would go home to the farm every weekend I could.  As I got into my preteens I often asked my grandparents to move in with them.  This was not at all because of conflict with my parents like one might think, rather it was a case of homesickness. After several months of my asking, Grandpa devised a sure fire plan to remedy the situation.  He informed my dad that he could not maintain the farm anymore by himself and was going to sell it.  "By himself" were the trigger words because he knew my Dad felt the same way I did about the farm and also knew what his response would be at the mention of "selling" the family farm.  Yes, we packed up and moved back!  That was in the late 70's and thankfully Dad was willing to sacrifice his time to drive 2 hours a day for his education job while coming home to work more hours each night at his love, the family farm.  I am convinced that God prompted this plan because it is also what allowed us to keep our farm during our nation's 1980's Farm Crisis.  I owe everything I am to my grandfather(and my father's sacrifice) for it is this one incident that I can pinpoint which could have made my life go a totally different direction!

There are countless other ways he impacted my life and others.  I learned some of my best life lessons by his life.  Lessons that were not just spoken but lived out every day! 

• Grandpa valued education highly so much that four of his children went to college and ended up becoming teachers.  He also gave his grandchildren money for college whenever possible. 
• All the grandchildren laughed as he insisted it is truly a privilege to have a job...we would be heard stating "I have to go to_____" and he would restate it "No, you GET to go to ____".   In today's uncertain economic times I often hear that conversation played out in my mind anytime I am about to grumble about summer commencing and a new school year starting....he was right then but as an adult who acknowledges God's control I see it better now!  
• It really is better to give than to receive!  Not only was he a great provider for his family but Grandpa would give as much as possible to see others provided for too.  His coworkers(upon one hailstorm that wiped out a crop, Grandpa took a job at the local Pottery plant so he could pay the farm bills and he continued there until his late 70's) once gave him an award and the plaque read "give the shirt off your back" award.  We only saw glimpses of this because Grandpa was an extremely generous man but VERY humble man. He never talked about his role in other's provision.  Twenty years ago I was in the hospital when an employee came in to ask me if I was related to him.  In that brief conversation I found out that not only did he provide her with a car so she could continue her schooling and leave factory work but she had several other instances of his money used to buy coworkers medicines, food, and college expenses.  So many "thank you's" that his ears have heard!
• God is faithful and provides!  With that came the lessons of differences between a need and a want.   His stance was always "God will provide everything we need and often He will bless our wants too".   I see the fruit of that wisdom today!  Exodus 17:14...."rehearse it in their ears".....the purpose for that is training the generations to trust in God and building their faith.  I only pray that I can do this as well as many of their generation did!

But mostly I  thank him for being the perfect model of God's love which pointed everyone he came in contact with to the truth of the redeeming love of Christ.  For it was Christ in him that radically changed his life and provided us with a living testimony!   For Christ and Grandpa my heartfelt "thank you" can never be enough!!! 

Grandpa, until we meet again....

What's in a name?

Wow!!!  We are having a scorcher of a day even in the shade!  However I am still outside enjoying my almond milk iced mocha and English muffin with orange marmalade.  My poor puppy wants to be out but she is a air conditioned diva so she will go in sooner than I.  Life is good and God is great!

I have switched up my Bible reading plan this year.  For several years I have used various styles of 'read through in one year' plans.  While they are great plans, for me it was becoming more of a check-off on my list to do.  I wanted something that would allow me to go deeper and study things out.  So I found a great one that is a chapter a day which is estimated to take about 2-3 years.  It delivered!

Often in the Bible we see God changing people's name throughout time.  I had never noticed that early in Exodus He changes His own name!   Originally, Genesis 17:1, the Isrealites knew Him as El Shaddai which translates to God Almighty.   In Hebrew it also means "God, the mountain one".   As God was preparing them for deliverance out of Egyptian bondage in Exodus 6:3, He introduces himself as Yahweh meaning dependable, faithful, or 'He is'.  Back in chapter 3:14-15 the study notes refer to "I AM" and Yahweh being the same name but the use depends on the speaker.  If God is referring to himself than 'I AM' is used but if we are speaking of God than Yahweh or 'He is' needs to be used.  This was the name He wished to be known as...faithful, dependable.

That has had me thinking for over a month!  Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all had specific memorable encounters with God as El Shaddai....much like our 'mountaintop experiences' today.  However just as in Exodus, today God still prefers to be known as Yahweh.  The name that suggests true relationship...'He is' with us always!  He was trying to make the Isrealites ready for a long walk with a daily reliance on Him.  That brings to mind our daily walk with Him.  Sometimes my walk is hot and dusty while other times it is cool and refreshing.  Nonetheless He is always there and providing....even when I am too parched to notice and/or appreciate it!

A daily walk is not promised to be easy!  In fact the middle section of Ephesians 6 depicts for us that life is a battle....it also instructs us how to prepare ourselves not only to fight but also to win!   Any person in any kind of lasting relationship will tell you it was the hard times that made it grow deeper.  I know personally that is true of my relationships and especially of my relationship with God!   It will be work but it will produce a depth and a joy beyond what you can imagine!

So which name do you know God by?   El Shaddai or Yahweh?

Stale Air

You ever walk into a space/building that has been shut up tight and hit a wall of stale air?  Hot, musty, nasty air that leaves you running back outside for fresh air?  First thing you do is open all the curtains letting in light and opening windows so the fresh air can come in!

Amidst doing dishes this morning I realized that over last few weeks my quiet time has become nothing more than "stale air".  Because of the heat and an illness I have sat inside to do my quiet time which I attribute to the staleness.  I am an outdoorsy girl.  Let me be in full view of God's wonderful creation when I'm doing my quiet time and all is right!!!!!  Even in late fall and early spring I can be found outside wrapped in a blanket!   I have a specific area that my BFF refers to as my "Godspot".

In this spot I have full view of all the creation God has blessed me with....a great home, beautiful yard, and a rich heritage.  See across the road is the farm that has been in my family for SEVERAL years/generations.  The farmhouse where 3 generations were raised is no longer there but I can still see it in my mind every time I look!  The barn and corncrib won't be far behind the house unfortunately but the windmill will stay as long as I have a say!

So it's time to brave the heat, breathe in some fresh air, and get back to the spot where I meet God daily!!!!   My guess is He's going to show me that it's my heart that is full of stale air!  ;(  The recent Captivating study our church did made me realize I still have some chambers closed off from others.  It's time to unlock the door, throw open the curtains/windows and let fresh air in there too....that's going to be harder but necessary!!!!!!!!!!!!